omg blog.
its been effing ages hasn't it?
*yawns*
yeah its like 0738hrs right now.
i can't believe 2months back at this moment i'd be rushing to the school gate.

BUT!
the nostalgia isn't the reason im blogging this early in the day.
oh, ive been so tired doing so many things for the past like,
i dunnoe,
since hols started,
that i've been too tired and bz to blog.
not just going out sort of bz.
its the, paris-hilton's-shopping-day-bz sort of bz.
yeah.
it IS that bad.
but i HAVE to blog now before i enter ns.
okay okay.
yeh.
alot has happened.
lets get in summary pointers.

101 things that zhafri has had/been doing
a) hanging out with friends
b) karaoke.
c) hanging out with friends
d) shisha
e) hanging out with friends
f) shopping
g) hanging out with friends
h) clubbing
i) hanging out with friends
j) movies
k) hanging out with friends
l) torn-ing(is that the way its spelled?)
m) hanging out with friends
n) gym-ing.
o) hanging out with friends.

and the list goes on...
and if yo're wondering why the repetition,
well itz cuz hanging out with friends is a diverse activity in its own right.
catching up, bitching, camwhoring, gossipping, chilling etc.
omg, and my eye bags OH.
as if they're not obvious enough.
oh yeah.
and im not entering ns on 6feb, but nx mon.
yep.
nx mon.
what?
oh, that's 3 days from now.
what?
oh, i got to know 3 days ago.
what?
yeah it's the momma-father of ALL short notices PLEASE.

i am SO not prepared.
that's why im spending so much time(and money and sweat and tears and energy and it's possible relatives of the sort)
chillin as much as possible bcuz i have that much time,
THAT much time left.
can u see it?
can you?
*shows an invisble gap between fingers*
can you?
can you?
EXACTLY!
THAT is how much time i have left before TEKONG!
*gasps*
oh God.
save me.


i'll probably upload the pics on the nx post.
but most of the pics are in facebook.
yay, like congrats to me for finally creating a facebook.
a caveman would look at me and laugh at my rate of appreciating technology.
seriously, he'd laugh.
and tell all his other cavedudes to laugh as well.
but laugh all you want.



I.
have got a facebook to attend to.


hm hm.
till then blog.

till then~

hey blog,
and my prophecy never fails to come true as it is.
i am officially in a dilemma again.

u see, when b4 the op the doc said that,
id propbably recover in 3mths, enuf time for my ns.
bt, after issuing a letter that was meant for the ns authorities,
(which presumably is something i was not supposed to read.)
i realized at the final bit of the letter, it said
".....and vigorous exercises should best be avoided for at least one year"

blog.
its not 3 months.
its not 6.
not 9.
its 12 mths.
its 1 year.
1 friggin year.
if i enter as scheduled, i will become a clerk.

but.
given a yr break from physical activities, why not just enter ns nx yr?
might as well enter nx yr since its conveniently 1 year of break.

why God?
why?
why give me this break?
it's like you're giving me time for another year of A lvls.
"might as well take A lvls while you're free"
some would say.

why God?
why give me this 1 yr break?
why 1 year specifically?
itss like, it's so conveniently laid out for me to
option 1) be free from all phy activities throughout the whole of ns.
option 2) retake my a lvls while being free as a clerk.
option 3) enter ns the following year and have a year to do something.

to do what?
to do what?

*sigh*
God.
i know ive always complained about the tortures of ns.
th sweat. the stink. the suffering.
bt.
to be completely free from it.
what are you trying to make me do?

to think of it, even though i initially didnt want such ns torture,
i sorta, want a normal.
life.
it's always been eccentric.
maybe i shudn say that.
but.
some wud say
"its a golden opportunity! jump at it!"
yeah, being free from phy stuff, has always seemed like what i wanted.
but now that i think of it.
i dun wanna waste nx life behind a desk arranging documents.
despite the sweat, blood, tears and torture,
it would all result in bonding.
the people.
its gives a social life.
the pain.
it gives nostalgia.

i want that.
its like im turning my back to a golden opp.
but.
i want that ns life.
the social life.
the boyhood.
the bond.
the nostalgia.

which means i've to postpone and enter nx year.
then what do i do in this 1 year break?

just what is it that you're tryna make me do God?

is the 1yr for me to reflect?
sheila suggested that.
maybe its also to find what i want in life.
i dunnoe God.

do you want me to enter pj again and retake my alvls?
OMG that'd be so awkward.
i know my results are not excellent.
but probably not that good either.
but coming into school?
new classmates and everything oh.
but taking private?
individual study?
notes-less?
that's difficult.

God.
i don't know what you're tryna make me do or realize.
but i know one thing.
there's always a reason why things turn out the way it does.
it's a matter of whether we get to know it or not.


but for this.





you bet i deserve to know.

dihanyut arus lah untuk ku berpaut.
di mana ku temui.
penawar ini.
mengharap lagi.

terbukalah kembali.
mekar,


semula.









sesungguhnya.
kau ku sanjung tinggi.
bererti.
hanya kau di hati.
sayangnya kejernihan cinta.
yang mencermin se-ti-a.
kau keruhkan.
warnanya.


kau keruhkan, warnanya.
kau keruhkan, warnanya.



ku ke-ruhkan.




war-na-nya.

hey blog!
im a bit better now.
at least i can move about more.
just that my arm can't, like, move haphazardly at extreme angles.

other than that, im as per normal!
except, you know, the patch of dressing.
but otherwise im much better now haha.

okay well, blog lemme tell you abt my operation.
*stomach growls suspiciously*
i always feel like shitting everytime i get excited.
ergh. hang on yeah.

back!
oh how fast was that?
5mins?

okay,
so b4 i got into the op theatre,
the nurse had to poke me with this thing.
so that a tube could connect to it and send the anaesthetics into my bloodstream.
yeah, that otherwise unfortunately sharp thing.
she searched for a vein to poke it into, on my left hand.
so i kep quiet while not looking, and she was like
"wah not bad leh you...*something**something*..good ns"
i was like, erm, okay.
so it was like left there for half an hour.
she came back.
"sorry, your operation is on your left shoulder right?"
"oh God." i knew it.
"yeah, i made a mistake.
"oh God no." i knew it.
"it should have been on the right one instead"


hello?
HELLO?
what do you think my veins are?
painless, plain dough, you just poke into for fun?
"um, okay, but can't you just make me asleep st b4 poking it the 2nd time?"
"i'll consult my senior, and hopefully we'll make you sleep 1st"

okay lah,
i didn't wanna cause a ruckus over being poked at wrongly.
it didn't hurt that much anyway.
just that, you know, the feeling of something sharp in you?
eeeh*shivers*

yeah, so once in the op theatre the doc put this gas thing over my mouth.
and i wasn't falling asleep yet.
in my heart i was like why am i not falling asleep?
i do NOT want to be AWAKE when the OPERATION IS GOING ON!
HELLO!
as if reading my mind the main surgeon connectd a tube to the thing that was poked in me.
i felt the fliuds flowing in, as if my veins were growing fatter,almost exploding.
i remember something like
"you'll feel a bit of pain"
as he started to let the fluids flow.
then *POOF*
it was all dark man.
it was damn cool lah plz.


the nx moment i woke up with a nurse in front of me.
she was like,
"do you feel pain?"
i thought it was a joke.
my left arm was really feeling weird and different by then.
so i kept quiet.
she asked again.
so i was like
"of course lah nurse haha"
laughing but in a dazed manner cuz i was like half-conscious at that time.
another nurse came in wanting to show what was removed,
and then left murmurin
"we'll wait until he's properly awake"
it was like, a surreal experience i tell you.
like, i was high.
high and sub-conscious and muttering chinese to a malay nurse.
and she was like
"speak malay dear, im a malay"*in malay*
i was like, what? i spoke chinese?
then the earlier nurse came in again to show me the tumor.

it ws like, a lump, with bits of myself around it.
myself meaning my flesh.
and it was contained in a diluted bloody solution.
i was like,
"um, okay."
"do you wanna show it to your parents?"
"um, no, my mom would get shocked"
"haha okay"

a doctor came in.
"any pain?"
okay, this has got to be a joke. a big one with the hidden cameras to surprise you.
"of course lah doctor"
"but is it bearable?"
"well, yeah, i guess."
"you need painkillers?"
for some reason, i said
"no"
a nurse came in.
"you were supposed to fast since 12mn ytd right?"
"yeah, um, 11.55"
"haha. would you like some milo?"
"nno its okay, im fine."
okay.

5 mins later.

"would you like some milo? you havent had anything right?"
"no its okay nurse, im fine haha."
"you need painkillers?"
"no its okay im quite fine nurse."
and for the 3rd time she insisted i had milo.
"you hate milo?"
"um, no. just that, you dont have to trouble yourself"
"we wanna see whether you'd vomit."
"oh, if thats the case then okay then."

so the malay nurse came with a a tray of milo and biscuits.
she then explained my mc had my name spelled wrongly.
so i was like
"thanks, and it's okay nurse, im nt working so i don't need the mc"
she insisted that the mc was important and was panicking at my wrongly-spelt name.
muh zhafri.
well apparently the d ran away from the keyboard.

"it's okay" for the 90millionth time
"its fine, and yeah im fine without the biscuits and without the mc"
she smiled.
"wouldn't it be great if all patients were like you?"
i just smiled.
well, i never knew patiens would get angry without their milo and biscuits and properly spelt mc.
oh come on your mc has your nric number on it right?

so when i was discharged(on the day itself)
i was still in the patient uniform, and had to change.
so another nurse sorta, hugged me all the way to the toilet.
she was like " don't walk so quickly!"
and im like "um, are you gonna hug me all the way?"
she laughed and left me in the toilet.
well apparently she thought i needed help walking, but i was quite fine UNTIL...
GOD i tell you, the moment i wanted to wear my shirt,
my arm was like effing effing f f.
but it was bearable.
just that i cudn move it.


then i rejoined with my parents outside,
my mom who was a bit annoyed at being told she cudn be shown the removed tumor in case she got shocked.
my father. well, just being himself.
cool and laughing and like "you look like you're gona faint" *sarcastically*
yeah, thanks.
i dunnoe how much blood i lost, how many nerves and veins and muscles were torn.
and that was exactly what i wanted to hear.
haha.
but both my parents were fine of course.
sufficiently concerned from my father's part, and excessively from my mom.
naturally.

when i got home i felt very queasy and wanted to vomit anytime i ate.
but those are fine.
they did warn me of sore throat, gum damage and nausea.
but i hadn't had anything.
there wasn't anything to vomit out anyway.


so, some days later here i am now.
i had 7 stitches.
oh yeah and you knw what?
the stitches are usually black right, and mine are like,
sky blue.
yeah thanks doc, i do look like a 7yr old right.

sooooo, after that very long post.
i wish you to wish me well okay blog.

ive to be off to wish shawn ang hpy bdae haha.

till then,
toodles~

hey blog!

i

am

typin

with

my

right

hand

alone

right

now

because

my

leftie's

hurting

abit.

lemme try.
oohoooh.

okay cool.
now im using both hands after elevating my chair to a ridiculous height,
so that my left arm duzn have to bend alot.

yeah!
so "the big day" on my calendar arrived yesterday and finally had my surgery.
had my tumourous "brother" on my left shoulder removed.
docs said it was benign ie non cancerous but still said it should have been removed.
well, it isn't cancerous now.
but if cancer cells ever wish to pop up in me,
then the tumour would have been a convenient extravaganzalicious bomb for them.
well, the lump would have basically been an invitation for cancer to happen,
if the cancer cells ever notice the lump.

well, it's not that difficult for possible cancer cells to notice the lump.
and jump at the opportuinity anytime they wish.
not that i do have cancer cells.
but better remove their bomb before they'd possibly pop up in me.


chapter 1

cancer cell : hey sugar pie. noticed u sitting there. wanna make out?
lump: oh, you're kinda hot. yeah, ive been sitting motionless for ages anyway.
cancer cell : wow, you're such an invitation. yum.
*makes out*

chapter 2

lump : honey, im now cancerous.
cancer cell : what? youre..you're pregnant?
lump : yes honey, ive got 80million-plets baby cancer cells now!
cancer cell : oh im such a happy father!

chapter 3

baby cancer cells : let's go infect zhafri's whole body!

CUT!
CUT!!!
I'M the director of that snippet okay.
so before the lump and possible cancer cell do make out,
i'd rather have the lump removed.

um do you get it blog?
*forces computer screen to nod*
wow, you are so attentive.
*sinister smile*


so i'll update the details of my op on the nx post.
once i feel better.
wish me a happy recovery okay blog!
chao~