hey blog.
its been ages rite?
as always haha.

dunoe what made me feel like talking to the computer screen again.
but, after close to a year in ns.
so many things happened.
not just the dropped-my-pen-80million times but.
many, significant things.
i took.
so.
many steps.
and, im kinda still feeling around what other options have to offer.
in so many aspects.
im grappling hold of so many things,
while doing quite decently stayin afloat.

but.
sigh.
staying afloat.
has.
its, sacrifices.

Big Guy.
im thankful for all the goodness You've given me.
im so sorry for being the not-so-good person i hoped i cud.
lemme share this blog.
since i know no-one really knows my bloggie.

"i cant bear to not be able to return what it is ur givin,
or could give, to me.
id feel guilty.
im not that kinda guy
amd im sorry i probably made a too-good impression of myself"

Big Guy.
i dunnoe what You're planning.
but whichever the other party,
i know im gona have a bittersweet ending.

so.
to you.
not just you but you too.
especially you.
you who held my hands on your knees.
as i teared.
and said



im sorry.



whoever you are.






i really am.

hiya blog.
sorry for the epic hiatus.

i dun feel like updating whats happened so far.
there are too many details that i wudn want to miss typing, that if i did in the 1st place haha.
so maybe not now yeah?

i just feel that.
inching closer to 20.
im growing old.
seriously.
in so many ways.
so much so that i can't be bothered.
to look at my feet.

to see if there are any stones.
or bricks.
or icky stuff u accidentally step on.
i feel like just going ahead.
so that i know what is at the end of my path.

despite watever shit that might come along the way.
you know.
hiding in bushes waiting to jump on you or sumthin.

i feel like taking all paths.

all.

evry single one of them.
i never
ever
wish to regret not knowing what would have happened if i took a different path.
pondering.
for the rest of my so-far-so-sane life.
not knowing what would have happened.

though somewhere deep inside.
somewhere.
just knowing so well the great things that otherwise would have occured.

the different path.
the different people you would have met.
the different things in which you did. own. created. remembered.

i want to know all that.
all of the what-would-have's.
even if the outcomes are bad.
at least i know the outcome.




regret what you didn't do
rather than regret what you did.


it's time to not look around in unnecessary, excessive, superfluous caution.
time to look forward without such worries too.
whatever happens.
i'll cross my fingers.
and hope.
that i would sound and feel genuine when i say :


at least i knew.



life is gona be full of regrets anyway.
might as well regret the way you want to.

yeah i know im 800years late in updating about my ns life.
but still
HIYA BLOG!
missd u haha.

zhafri's tekong memoribilia.


guess in the end u turn to look back.
to find the beginning, the start of the track.

and along the way i made good friends.
some were annoying, others i could stand.

i was ever so constantly defending and fighting
the bees and mosquitoes and oh, whatever else that'd sting

such a strange environment such a different land
i look in the mirror and *gasp*, it's a different man!

a man who's bald and tanned and dark
i then scream "are you me? WTF?????!"

image's not a concern though cuz there weren't any girls.
i only had myself and my "wife", the rifle.

and when my baby shot, yes problems did arrive.
but im just glad i made it through shootings alive.

and not forgetting the extreme exhaustion and all.
and mind you, my bunk's on the 5th floor.

add that to my rifle my body overall and boots
they made u wish u cud juz be nude

they were so heavy and yet all in all
you bring them when you walk sleep or crawl

and not forgetting the oh-so unfogiving sun
i feels like ur being baked to a bun

and when the sun sets the moon is revealed
reminding u the ghost stories that gives u the chills

they say u wud hear weird sounds at night.
but so far GOD am i glad im alright.

then in the morning you wake up all tired and dead
your body's all sore like u juz kena raped

but in the end i can't really complain much u see.
cuz after all, im just in pes c.

so above all complains, blood, mosquitoes, tears and sweat
i now look back to consolidate the memories i've had.

tekong my dear this is the last of me.
for after next week,







i shall be free~

hey blog!
phooooo.
have just njoyed my weekend break from 2wks confinement in
*thriller music effect*
TEKONG!!!!!

haha.
but thank God everything went quite fine.
just very tired.
people might have the impression that pes c ppl have a slack ns life.
well, i won't say they're wrong.
there are certain activities we do on a lighter scale,
like lesser running.
but everything else,
HOOOH


the marching the rifle practices and what not and the early morning exercises.
we're still dang tired no matter what.
additionally, im in section 4 of my company.
add 1 to 4 and ug et?
5 of course.
yes.
5.
evidently, that's my floor number.
to my bunk.

yes.
about 5 to 10 times a day we go back to our bunks.
yes.
multiply that to the fact that my bunk is on the 5th floor.


so yes.
my legs HAVE grown more huge.
and.
with the omg-to-the-max food at rocky hill(my ns school area)
i HAVE grown fatter haha.
by 2kg baybeh.


oooh!
look at the time.
i've to be off soon.
literally.
in 1hrs time.

and my bag is full of fooooood~
and skin care products toooooo~
haha.
that's zhafri for you.


hmm.
i shall treat u to a pic of my bald and tanned self soon.
but maybe not now.
rushing for time.
like that's umthin new in tekong HAH.


okhaiy bloggie.
have to be off then.

till then.
till then~

omg blog.
its been effing ages hasn't it?
*yawns*
yeah its like 0738hrs right now.
i can't believe 2months back at this moment i'd be rushing to the school gate.

BUT!
the nostalgia isn't the reason im blogging this early in the day.
oh, ive been so tired doing so many things for the past like,
i dunnoe,
since hols started,
that i've been too tired and bz to blog.
not just going out sort of bz.
its the, paris-hilton's-shopping-day-bz sort of bz.
yeah.
it IS that bad.
but i HAVE to blog now before i enter ns.
okay okay.
yeh.
alot has happened.
lets get in summary pointers.

101 things that zhafri has had/been doing
a) hanging out with friends
b) karaoke.
c) hanging out with friends
d) shisha
e) hanging out with friends
f) shopping
g) hanging out with friends
h) clubbing
i) hanging out with friends
j) movies
k) hanging out with friends
l) torn-ing(is that the way its spelled?)
m) hanging out with friends
n) gym-ing.
o) hanging out with friends.

and the list goes on...
and if yo're wondering why the repetition,
well itz cuz hanging out with friends is a diverse activity in its own right.
catching up, bitching, camwhoring, gossipping, chilling etc.
omg, and my eye bags OH.
as if they're not obvious enough.
oh yeah.
and im not entering ns on 6feb, but nx mon.
yep.
nx mon.
what?
oh, that's 3 days from now.
what?
oh, i got to know 3 days ago.
what?
yeah it's the momma-father of ALL short notices PLEASE.

i am SO not prepared.
that's why im spending so much time(and money and sweat and tears and energy and it's possible relatives of the sort)
chillin as much as possible bcuz i have that much time,
THAT much time left.
can u see it?
can you?
*shows an invisble gap between fingers*
can you?
can you?
EXACTLY!
THAT is how much time i have left before TEKONG!
*gasps*
oh God.
save me.


i'll probably upload the pics on the nx post.
but most of the pics are in facebook.
yay, like congrats to me for finally creating a facebook.
a caveman would look at me and laugh at my rate of appreciating technology.
seriously, he'd laugh.
and tell all his other cavedudes to laugh as well.
but laugh all you want.



I.
have got a facebook to attend to.


hm hm.
till then blog.

till then~

hey blog,
and my prophecy never fails to come true as it is.
i am officially in a dilemma again.

u see, when b4 the op the doc said that,
id propbably recover in 3mths, enuf time for my ns.
bt, after issuing a letter that was meant for the ns authorities,
(which presumably is something i was not supposed to read.)
i realized at the final bit of the letter, it said
".....and vigorous exercises should best be avoided for at least one year"

blog.
its not 3 months.
its not 6.
not 9.
its 12 mths.
its 1 year.
1 friggin year.
if i enter as scheduled, i will become a clerk.

but.
given a yr break from physical activities, why not just enter ns nx yr?
might as well enter nx yr since its conveniently 1 year of break.

why God?
why?
why give me this break?
it's like you're giving me time for another year of A lvls.
"might as well take A lvls while you're free"
some would say.

why God?
why give me this 1 yr break?
why 1 year specifically?
itss like, it's so conveniently laid out for me to
option 1) be free from all phy activities throughout the whole of ns.
option 2) retake my a lvls while being free as a clerk.
option 3) enter ns the following year and have a year to do something.

to do what?
to do what?

*sigh*
God.
i know ive always complained about the tortures of ns.
th sweat. the stink. the suffering.
bt.
to be completely free from it.
what are you trying to make me do?

to think of it, even though i initially didnt want such ns torture,
i sorta, want a normal.
life.
it's always been eccentric.
maybe i shudn say that.
but.
some wud say
"its a golden opportunity! jump at it!"
yeah, being free from phy stuff, has always seemed like what i wanted.
but now that i think of it.
i dun wanna waste nx life behind a desk arranging documents.
despite the sweat, blood, tears and torture,
it would all result in bonding.
the people.
its gives a social life.
the pain.
it gives nostalgia.

i want that.
its like im turning my back to a golden opp.
but.
i want that ns life.
the social life.
the boyhood.
the bond.
the nostalgia.

which means i've to postpone and enter nx year.
then what do i do in this 1 year break?

just what is it that you're tryna make me do God?

is the 1yr for me to reflect?
sheila suggested that.
maybe its also to find what i want in life.
i dunnoe God.

do you want me to enter pj again and retake my alvls?
OMG that'd be so awkward.
i know my results are not excellent.
but probably not that good either.
but coming into school?
new classmates and everything oh.
but taking private?
individual study?
notes-less?
that's difficult.

God.
i don't know what you're tryna make me do or realize.
but i know one thing.
there's always a reason why things turn out the way it does.
it's a matter of whether we get to know it or not.


but for this.





you bet i deserve to know.

dihanyut arus lah untuk ku berpaut.
di mana ku temui.
penawar ini.
mengharap lagi.

terbukalah kembali.
mekar,


semula.









sesungguhnya.
kau ku sanjung tinggi.
bererti.
hanya kau di hati.
sayangnya kejernihan cinta.
yang mencermin se-ti-a.
kau keruhkan.
warnanya.


kau keruhkan, warnanya.
kau keruhkan, warnanya.



ku ke-ruhkan.




war-na-nya.